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Joke Of The Day

This is a discussion on Joke Of The Day within the General Talk forums, part of the General Discussion category; We all seem to be spending a lot of our time thinking about tragic events that we feel like will impact our lives soon. I ...

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Thread: Joke Of The Day

  1. #1
    Senior Member


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    Joke Of The Day

    We all seem to be spending a lot of our time thinking about tragic events that we feel like will impact our lives soon. I often think we are spending too much of our short time on the earth dwelling on the negatives of this old world. I say we spend some of our time each day with a little humor and maybe even a chuckle or two...or three. So I am starting this thread with my contribution for "the joke of the day" and look forward to reading your's. Enjoy!

    So my teetotaler neighbor lady who more than once has noticed that I tend to imbibe...sometimes maybe to the extreme...asked me yesterday what drove me to drink. I calmly but politely told her that usually I took my Chevelle.
    "What Goes Around Comes Around...I Just Make Get There Faster"

  2. #2
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    I agree, part of prepping is keeping a good mental attitude. Sometimes one can get so tied up in all the news and disasters around the world that it can drive you nuts.

    Speaking of which...

    A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch... the bartender say's, "hey, don't that hurt?"... the pirate say's yeah, its driving me nuts. :razz:

  3. #3
    Mod Squad


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    An illegal alien, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar.

    The bartender asks, "What can I get you, Mr. President?"


    Success Is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm - anonymous

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  5. #4
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    what does Simba and Obama have in common?

    one is an African Lion and the other is a Lyin African...

  6. #5
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    Three blondes are walking through the woods when they come upon a set of tracks. "I think they're rabbit tracks," says the first blonde. "No, they're duck tracks," said the second blonde. "Can't be," says the third. "They're obviously moose tracks." They were all still arguing when the train hit them.
    Fortes Fortuna Adiuvat

  7. #6
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    Blonde was out working in her back yard trimming shrubs and accidentally cut your cats tail off. So she takes the cat to Walmart. She heard that they are the world's largest retailer.
    8301 and Renec like this.

  8. #7
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    Conservatives don't lie. lol
    shootbrownelk likes this.
    Hidden Content Originally Posted by Slippy Hidden Content
    (Slippy is happy that Mish is the daughter he is glad he never had)
    "Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." Tyler Durden
    #mishyloveshersometequila

  9. #8
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    A Pirate Captain overheard the lookout in the crow's nest shout: British warship on the horizon! He bravely ordered one of his men to bring him his red shirt, that way during the heat battle they will never know I'm bleeding! The lookout shouted a correction: My bad, there are 100 British warships on the horizon! To which the Captain quickly said; "Yarggggh! Bring me my brown pants instead!
    "There is a destiny that shapes our ends, Rough, hew them as we will."

  10. #9
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    An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.” No one moved. The preacher continued. "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.
    I really want one of these!Hidden Content

  11. #10
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    TAKING A WOMAN TO BED
    What is the difference between girls/women
    Aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?

    ************************************************** *********************************

    At age 8
    You take her to bed and tell her a story

    ************************************************** *********************************

    At 18
    You tell her a story and take her to bed

    ************************************************** *********************************

    At 28
    You don't need to tell her a story
    To take her to bed

    ************************************************** *********************************

    At 38

    She tells you a story and takes you to bed

    ************************************************** *********************************

    At 48
    She tells you a story to avoid going to bed

    ************************************************** *********************************

    At 58
    You stay in bed to avoid her story

    ************************************************** *********************************

    At 68
    If you take her to bed, that'll be a story

    ************************************************** *********************************

    At 78
    What story? What bed?
    Who the hell are you?

    ************************************************** *********************************
    According to the
    Office for National Statistics

    190,374
    People are having sex right now

    212,130
    Are kissing

    And, one old fart is
    Reading forum Jokes!


    You hang in there sunshine!

 

 
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