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Grandson Needs serious straightneing up..

5K views 50 replies 21 participants last post by  Prepared One 
#1 ·
My grandson, (step grandson technically) just came into our lives within the past year. He is now 8 years old, oldest of the three. .
My daughter is not his Mom, but step mom even though they arent married.
He is going to be expelled from school most definitely for three incidents. So we have to figure out where to educate him and discipline him also.
His childhood with his Biological Mom was horrible as we have just found out in the past few months from counselors and psychiatrist.
Not sure of the options of schools out there, reform, catholic, military etc.
I did recommend martial arts due to discipline, philosophy etc to channel his anger. But they said no, thats a good deal for him and the others will see it as being bad gets you things.
Any suggestions, insight, experience?
 
#2 ·
I'm sorry to hear this young man is having a difficult time. I don't know what he has been through , but I do know that it will take a lot of time to sort it out. I know that it may be difficult given that he is acting out, but he needs to know that he is loved and that you want to help him.

Has he been diagnosed with any learning disabilities or disorders?

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#3 ·
I'm sorry to hear this young man is having a difficult time. I don't know what he has been through , but I do know that it will take a lot of time to sort it out. I know that it may be difficult given that he is acting out, but he needs to know that he is loved and that you want to help him.

Has he been diagnosed with any learning disabilities or disorders?

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He has been through allot. His Biological Mom did not really raise him well at all. Drugs, several partners over time and visible to the kids during relations, possible abuse to the kids too, and even had a drug dealer shoot a pistol at Mom while they were in the car.
He lived in Michigan while Dad lived here in SC. They recently got court ordered custody after most of these incidents were brought to light.
Now Mom is in jail, Meth and Prostitution.
ADD as he is on meds for that, standard issue drugs for misbehaving kids apparently.
 
#5 ·
Home schooling is not an option. My daughter and his Dad arent going to educate him properly, unfortunately.
I know its a long haul, but, my wife and I are already dealing lifes problems of our own. This will only put our life on the back burner.
I think the kid can be fixed. He knows he is loved, but he doesnt have his Mothers love anymore due to her choices.
 
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#10 ·
Steve

A few questions to clear things up for me first;

This 8 year old child is the son of a male person that is playing hide the man-meat with your daughter who is not married to him nor the biological or legal mother to the 8 year old?

If so, then why would you call this child your grandson or even your step-grandson? And does your daughter call this child her stepson when in fact he is not legally or by marriage?

If I am correct on all of these assumptions my sincere advise to you and your wife is to stay out of any situation that involves this child, your daughter and the father of the child.

Be polite and treat the young 8 year old with kindness and respect but DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH ANY SITUATIONS THAT INVOLVE YOUR DAUGHTER AND THIS DUDE. IT WILL NOT END WELL.

Now, if your daughter and this guy get married, and your daughter legally adopts this child and you want to pay for martial arts class if the parents approve then go for it.

But if your daughter and her dude just want to play around and this poor innocent child will pay the price. He has already lost his bio mom and more than likely your daughter and the dude have not provided this child with a stable environment.

AND FINALLY, IF A LICENSED COUNSELOR OR PSYCHOLOGIST SHARED CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION WITH YOU THEN THEY NEED TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR IT AND THEIR LICENSE TAKEN AWAY.

The father has all the power in this situation and any advise that you or your wife give that goes bad in any way at all, you will be blamed.

I also advise your daughter to leave this situation immediately. These things tend to end up badly for the live-in slut.
 
#22 ·
Steve -

For whatever it is worth, I agree 110% with my pal @Slippy.

Bringing a troubled kid back from the brink is a hard job even if you and your wife have total control of the decision making for the situation. But if you have to clear everything through his father, you and your wife do not stand a chance.

Just my two cents, but this seems like a time bomb and the poor child is the one that is going to pay the price for the poor decisions of his dipshit parents.
 
#11 ·
When I get back off of travel, I will take him out for the day.. See if he opens up, or whatever. He knows my and my wife are here for him. He has seen it since he moved out here. B days, Christmas, Thanksgivings all holidays and he was put in as family..
 
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#12 ·
Fantastic!

My son is sitting about four feet from me, right now. He is one of the finest men I know but I can't take the credit. His mother and I divorced when he was one-year-old. His mother saw him as a purse-puppy and her parents didn't have time for him. I was driving trucks at the time. My parents had more influence on him than anyone else.
Understand that everything you say and do will influence him in the coming years and decades. You and your wife are the kid's lifeline. No matter where he goes, make it a point to be an influence in his life. Go and get him whenever you can. Take him places. Take him to church, too.
You have no idea what you can do.
 
#15 ·
What is so sad about this is that an innocent child is struggling and hurting all because some idiots repeatedly made bad bad bad decisions.

One more bit of advise for your daughter @Steve40th, please encourage your daughter to get a tubal ligation so she and her dude don't bring another prescious innocent child into their screwed up world.
 
#16 ·
How about he gets fixed. Why is it always on the woman? She didn't do anything wrong in this situation. She is actually trying to help by taking care of his son. Good for her!

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#19 ·
It's all about being firm, and being someone a boy can admire and look up to. My youngest skipped school and left with his buddy in a red Chevy Impala. The school called me while I was working. I knew who owned the red Impala and waited in my patrol car in his parent's driveway. As soon as they crested the hill he knew he was busted. I gave him my best "no you don't" finger wave. They pulled up, I grabbed him up by the ear, put him over the hood, cuffed him and walked him on his tip-toes grabbing his ear into his high school. They said there was no need to sign him in.

He snuck out his bedroom window one night while I was on the streets and my wife called his friend's parents. They told her they had been hanging out behind a black church nearby. She sat behind the church until: Lo and behold they pulled in. Nailed.

Form a united front, make them go to school, failure is not an option and it may take the whole family. We had to get our son away from his scofflaw friends. He moved to west Tennessee and GRADUATED! My parents took over for us. He lived there for his senior year. We sent cash and supported him and them from here. Very proud day for my dad when that kid walked. We were proud too.

Today that little cockroach makes ammunition working for Sig Sauer making more money than I did as a cop. Who would have thunk it? You also have to let them choose their own path.
 
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#21 ·
Hopefully this kid--along with the love already mentioned--is getting weekly therapy.

Public school may be more then he can handle right now and some of those alternative schools for "crazy kids" can be absolutely awful. Stay away from any that have group therapy. If at all possible, hopefully the kid can be homeschooled at least until the dad has a handle on the right way to proceed. Time4learning is pretty darn good and at an affordable price $20. per month is a viable alternative.

God bless, Steve!!! You're a kind man to care so dearly for this poor kid. Prayers!
 
#23 ·
My grandson was heading for trouble at the age of seven. His mother basically left both kids to raise themselves. We did everything to show them unconditional love. I was at my wits end. We got him involved in martial arts, it helped to an extent. I started taking him to the range with me whenever he came down to visit. And explained what type of person got to use a firearm and he was not there YET. He got introduced to my friends and their children and saw how they reacted around firearms. I started to allow him to load magazines and police brass at the range. Once I started to see the change, I allowed him to help me reload ammo. After a few more months the time came for him to shoot his first firearm. His teacher had him a few years ago when he was troubled. She can not believe it is the same child. She does not know what we did and does not care. She just said keep up the good work. He is now in the process of building his first AR at the ripe old age of 10.
 
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#24 ·
I got to agree with @Slippy and @Inor on this. I applaud you and your wife for wanting to help this kid, but this seems to me a giant ticking time bomb waiting to go off. You, your wife, and your daughter have no skin in the game. The only ones making a commitment to this kid is you and your wife, and you have no rights whatsoever. Any investment made emotionally and financially can be undone at any time by the Mother or Father of this kid. And as well, if it goes sideways you will surely be blamed. This has bad ending written all over it.

The BF of your daughters seems to be of questionable character and motive, and the Mother is a self destructive addict that could visit trouble to your family's doorstep at any time. You and your daughter need to rethink this relationship.
 
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#27 ·
I encourage everyone, kind of like a "Hands Across America" thing;

IF EVERYONE HERE ENCOURAGES 1 OR 3 DIPSHIT PEOPLE OF CHILD BEARING YEARS TO GET A TUBAL LIGATION (FOR FEMALES) OR A VASECTOMY (FOR MALES) OR BOTH FOR MENTAL RETARD LGBTQFU PEOPLE THEN THE WORLD WILL BE A BETTER PLACE!

Kumbaya my friends, Kumbaya...:vs_smirk:
 
#30 ·
We can hope...My own personal heroine, Annie Oakley came from a horrible childhood of poverty and abuse, but she went on to become an absolutely amazing women. I can name many others who came from very similar circumstances to become some of the best. The most wonderful things--and people--can rise up out of the very worst situations, my friend. When they do,it's amazing. Like when your favorite team is losing horribly and in the last moments of the game they come back strong and win it.
 
#31 ·
This is a rough situation, no two ways about it.

I tend to agree with Slip on this one as well. If the kid was your daughter's, then he's yours too. But if you put in the time and effort to get him on the right path, it could all be ripped away without a whiff of warning. Steve, it's clear that you're good people. You want to help where you can. That makes it all the more difficult to stay out of this. You feel an obligation to someone who is neither kith or kin simply because that person is a child who's been dealt sh*t hand in life, and that isn't fair. If you don't do anything, you'll feel like crap. But if you do put in this work, and it's all for naught when the child is taken away, you'll feel so much worse.

If it TRULY means this much to you, you have a few options.
1. Somebody needs to put a ring on it..
Marriage may be passe in today's world, but it's still a legally binding contract under the law, and that affords certain new inroads into this boy's life. You will then have a direct line to influencing his future in a semi-permanent way. If you think the match has a chance at working, encourage this.
2. You can approach the topic of adoption.
Depending on the custody agreement concerning the child, his father, and wherever his pathetic excuse for a mother is, you might be able to become the boy's guardians, but that would mean the father must give up custody, and you take on a liability for the next 10-15 years that you hadn't planned on.
3. Barring the above, you can spend your time and money, and hope for the best.
If the looming concern over the boy being removed from your lives is something you're willing to stomach, then you can continue to contribute whatever you can to his life, with hope and prayer, and see how things turn out. The commitment is still real, and you CANNOT become another person who's going to abandon him.

It's a hard choice, but it's your choice.
 
#40 ·
Thanks Kauboy,

Your words echo my thoughts exactly and I appreciate how well you verbalized them. Much better than I could have, so thank you.

Slip



I didn't think he was being hateful.
You can likely name 1 or 2 people that should NOT procreate. Those are the folks he's talking about. The crack addicts, meth heads, perpetually unemployed welfare recipients, those folks that would bring a child into this world with little to no chance of survival, or hooked on cocaine, or no clean clothing/diapers. If you've ever held a crack baby, squalling for a fix he doesn't understand and can't satiate, you know the kinds of people he's talking about.
 
#38 ·
And sometimes, the masses get tired of having TRANSEVERYTHING shoved down our throats.
Special this, special that. Bulshit..
Sorry to jack a serious and valuable thread.
Equal rights does not mean SPECIAL Rights..
And, yes, all them LQBAFDSRFAGXHXIGX letters mean is "derainged". I can accept it. I can live with it..
I don NOT have to like it, parade it, or love it. It does effect me, because my kids are bombarded with this "rainbow all accepting, must learn and listen to me" BULLCRAP.
 
#41 ·
If you feel called to try to make a difference in this kids life, do so. If the kid is removed from your life that does not necessarily mean your efforts are wasted, the memory of decent caring people might help steer his life down the road. No ones living situation is the fault of this child.
 
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#43 ·
Unlikely that it is ADHD and sounds more like he was abused. If not abused, at least made to feel unsafe and unsure in a very chaotic environment, such as that with substance abuse and conflict among adults. In my years as a family therapist working in residential treatment and corrections this tends to be the case. ADHD and bipolar have always been way over diagnosed. The kids sound like he needs to feel safe, but yet be held accountable. Medications can be very helpful. Special Education classes or schools are what he may need as far as school goes. Good luck.
 
#47 ·
My grandson, has been dealt a crap sandwhich.. I am going to be a positive person in his life, and he will know I am here if he needs me. A safe place to chill, vent or whatever, maybe just get a burger...
Someone mentioned Adverse Childhood Experiences. Interesting how this nails some things to look into..
Helping people get through mental struggles in life in something I feel is a never ending job. Everyone has some issues. Many more cant communicate their issues, as they dont know what it is or what to ask.
 
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#48 ·
You are an amazing person for stepping up. I truly hope this young man can get the help he needs. Blood or not, it is awesome that you are ready to help!
I would like to apologize to you for derailing your thread. I should have let my personal feelings on posts pass by, and kept to the main topic of your post.
Again, contact me personally if you want to chat.

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#50 ·
#51 ·
Well, I think everyone should get a participation trophy and go to our safe places. :devil:
 
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