I Won't Go To Walmart Anymore .... I Mean I Can't Go
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I Won't Go To Walmart Anymore .... I Mean I Can't Go

This is a discussion on I Won't Go To Walmart Anymore .... I Mean I Can't Go within the General Talk forums, part of the General Discussion category; After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred ...

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Thread: I Won't Go To Walmart Anymore .... I Mean I Can't Go

  1. #1
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    I Won't Go To Walmart Anymore .... I Mean I Can't Go

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart:

    Dear Mrs. W.....

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. W...., are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":
    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
    minute intervals.
    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    women's restroom.
    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
    employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
    chips.
    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
    children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
    blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
    obliged.
    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
    crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
    Emergency Medics were called.
    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
    10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
    asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
    11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
    humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
    through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
    14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!
    15. October 25: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.
    And last, but not least:
    16. October 28: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
    awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
    here.'

    One of the Staff passed out.
    Last edited by A Watchman; 03-10-2018 at 08:08 AM.
    I will choose to enjoy the journey that God has prepared for me. Hidden Content

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by A Watchman View Post
    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart:

    Dear Mrs. W.....

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":
    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
    minute intervals.
    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    women's restroom.
    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
    employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
    chips.
    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
    children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
    blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
    obliged.
    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
    crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
    Emergency Medics were called.
    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
    10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
    asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
    11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
    humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
    through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
    14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!
    15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.
    And last, but not least:
    16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
    awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
    here.'

    One of the Staff passed out.
    This sounds like something you would do I chuckled all the way through it.

    Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk
    A Watchman likes this.
    A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, But the simple pass on and are punished. Proverbs 22:3 NKJV

  3. #3
    Senior Member


    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Posts
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    Now that thar is funny shit. Thanks for the laugh @A Watchman . For some reason, I can see you doing everything on that list. Now why is that?
    A Watchman likes this.
    " All great things are simple, and many can be expressed in single words: Freedom, Justice, Honor, Duty, Mercy, Hope" .Hidden Content

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  5. #4
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    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Where you least expect it.
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    7,134
    Quote Originally Posted by A Watchman View Post
    ......
    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
    .......
    I've done the same thing.

    Only it was with home pregnancy tests.
    Slippy and A Watchman like this.
    Prepping is not a destination... it is a journey.
    Visit my YouTube page: Hidden Content

  6. #5
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    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wherever won't get me hit.
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    19,708
    CLASSIC! Thanks @A Watchman
    That was excellent!
    A Watchman likes this.

  7. #6
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    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Northeast Texas
    Posts
    11,773
    Quote Originally Posted by Slippy View Post
    CLASSIC! Thanks @A Watchman
    That was excellent!
    Great, now you all may now go out amongst the Walmarts and practice on your own!
    I will choose to enjoy the journey that God has prepared for me. Hidden Content

  8. #7
    Senior Member


    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Location
    Out here on the perimeter
    Posts
    130
    I'm staying out of the fitting room!
    Slippy likes this.

  9. #8
    Senior Member


    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Posts
    823
    That's why I don't buy wal mart stock.
    It takes them almost 4.5 months to fix
    a problem.

  10. #9
    Senior Member


    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    591
    In still laughing

    Sent from my SM-G892A using Tapatalk

 

 

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