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Need some advice, feeling down...

6K views 48 replies 18 participants last post by  Moonshinedave 
#1 ·
Hey all,

I hope everyone is well. Well here is my dilemma. I work in sales and i'm doing pretty well. My boss is a women which is ok but she seems to be treating the younger guys 20-28 YRS OLD better then me, ok so im 34 married with 2 kids., these guys and girls pretty much out of college. My boss is 36 . Its like they have there own little " group" Always laughing, joking around, talking about partying, im sitting here like really??? etc. They get away with murder I mean like being late, sales numbers low, long lunches. With me its nick picking. We have a dinner tonight for the "team" usually I don't go but this time I am. IDK though feel like backing out, as I don't feel wanted I guess. The thing is we sit in cubicles and it seems the PODs that sit close to her ( my boss) get all the attention and shes cool with. Im not asking for much but come on its so Blanten obvious . What can I do or say, or do I do anything at all. Do I go tonight idk :(

Weird part is shell email me, good job, your doing good etc but never with words out of her mouth.
 
#4 ·
All you can do is all you can do for you. The youngsters have a common bond with the boss, you do not. Is the boss married with kids or does she still want to live the party girl lifestyle. In the not too distant future the "kids at work" will grow into being a responsible adult like you that has bills and responsibilities at home. You need to look out for #1, you and your family. In hind sight, if the group is going out and living the party life style, think about how much money they piss away at a bar in a week, how bad and sluggish they feel the next day at work, etc. But I can relate to what you are saying, you feel like you are on the outside looking in and everyone on the inside is having fun etc. I've been there, that's why they call it work.
 
#7 ·
My thoughts are I have friends that aree outside of work and I have aquaintences at work that I am friendly with because I have to be and it makes the work machine run well. Never shall they cross paths'. Why? Outside of drinking and partying after work, what else do these people do? Ain't nothing happening in that bar at happy hour that will positively effect your life. Now if they went and did things that you and your family were included in post work, I would consider forging a stronger relationship with some of those people. Where I currently work I come into contact with hundreds of people and sometimes I participate in the activities. The core people I work with, I do not reach out to any of them as friends. I once went skiing with a few guys from work. It was like being at work, completely sapped the fun out of being away from work doing an activity that I like. So I compartmentalize the work vs fun relationship and keep them separate.
 
#8 ·
Willie said it good

Let me add though that she too probably has a boss. When the chips are down, she -- IMO -- will be looking to you and not the others to help prop her up. She doesn't tell you this, but I suspect that is the case. You are a dependable and performing employee. She knows this -- it is too bad she doesn't convey it more.

Yeah -- my advice is that of Willies -- don't worry about it, don't sweat it. Just keep on doing what YOU know best how to do. If you are actually successful in pulling off this change of thought -- you are going to find that you think you fit in better.
 
#12 ·
DerBeirmeister is correct. This will change if things get tight and she has to clean house to protect her own ass or she will be gone. Play the social game. Invite her to dinner with you And your wife. Invite her significant other if there is one. If she has kids, invite them. If not ship yours off to grandparents for the evening. Mean while continue to be the best at what you do.
 
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#23 ·
I worked in corporate America for a while when I first started out. I did not socialize with my coworkers either. I am sure it cost me some advancement. But then, when I was working in corporate America, I had no interest in advancement. I was only there to learn the ropes well enough to go out on my own which I did as soon as I was confident I could succeed. The company I was working for is no longer in business. Three recessions later, I still am.

Inor 7 - Corporate douche bags 0
 
#24 ·
I like it bud

I worked in corporate America for a while when I first started out. I did not socialize with my coworkers either. I am sure it cost me some advancement. But then, when I was working in corporate America, I had no interest in advancement. I was only there to learn the ropes well enough to go out on my own which I did as soon as I was confident I could succeed. The company I was working for is no longer in business. Three recessions later, I still am.

Inor 7 - Corporate douche bags 0
 
#28 · (Edited)
Unfortunatley, working in the coporate world it is necessary to deal with office politics and maneuver around the land mines. I did this for sometime before moving to a family owned company. I still have to nogotiating the family but I work directly for the owner so I have it easy. I have been with them for 23 years and doing just fine. But I have been involved in some really bad work situations as well when I was young. I can suggest that if you enjoy what your doing learn the ropes, have a resume updated and ready and start networking as best as you can. Most opportunities are offered by people who know you or you already know. Also, you have to be prepared in your own mind to leave if nothing improves. Like say, if you must work for a living you may as well like and enjoy what your doing and who you work with.
 
#29 ·
Unfortunatley, working in the coporate world it is necessary to deal with office politics and miniver around the land mines. I did this for sometime before moving to a family owned company. I still have to nogotiating the family but I work directly for the owner so I have it easy. I have been with them for 23 years and doing just fine. But I have been involved in some really bad work situations as well when I was young. I can suggest that if you enjoy what your doing learn the ropes, have a resume updated and ready and start networking as best as you can. Most opportunities are offered by people who know you or you already know. Also, you have to be prepared in your own mind to leave if nothing improves. Like say, if you must work for a living you may as well like and enjoy what your doing and who you work with.
If Slippy's idea of stapling your nuts together does not work out, I would suggest this one as a very close second.
 
#39 ·
Agreed! Stuttering would be the least of his problems at that point.
 
#43 ·
Good to hear. Stay the course....But cover your basis.
 
#45 ·
The problem isn't you. Its them. The younger kids all grew up with smart phones and video games and shit. Latch key kids that all got participation trophies.

It's not that they don't like you, you just haven't been mentally stimulating enough to grab their attention, and I don't mind in a deeply thoughtful and inspirationally meaningful kind of way. I'm talking about kids who are mentally stimulated by beeps and whistles and shiny things that flash and they have a 12 second attention span. You are going to have to work to insert yourself into their lives. It won't be easy or fun at first. But after a week or two it will get better. I wouldn't set a goal so high as to penetrate the inner layers of their social circle, but just shoot for a little inclusion.
 
#49 ·
As far as the favoritism, it's just a way of life, pay no attention to it. Remember you are there to make a paycheck for you and your family. If your 36 year old boss wants to hang with the kids, and pretend to be one of them, seems like it's more of her problem than yours. You are married, with two children, what you have is by far better than what they have. Next time you are feeling down remember that. Fine to have a friendly relationship with them at work, but come quitting time, go home to your family, believe me, they have nothing to be envied.
 
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